Hegseth and Trump declare war on American cities. And women. And beards.

The question "what the hell is Pete Hegseth doing?" could be asked every day since the alcoholic sex abuser was handed the keys to the Pentagon. And the answer is uniformly: Whatever is worst for democracy.

Whether it's installing a Pentagon makeup studio or sending a winky-wink to white supremacists, Hegseth has been at the forefront of jackassery in an administration that is jackasses all the way down.

So when The Washington Post reported that the illegally rechristened "Secretary of War" was doing something that brought the WTF level to 11, it immediately raised concerns across the nation and throughout the military.

Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth has ordered hundreds of the U.S. military’s generals and admirals to gather on short notice — and without a stated reason — at a Marine Corps base in Virginia next week, sowing confusion and alarm after the Trump administration’s firing of numerous senior leaders this year.

Why did Hegseth gather the entire 800-strong leadership of America's military for this alarming and unexpected gathering? What could possibly make it worthwhile to mount this massive and risky assembly; one that took away senior leadership from every location around the world and made the United States singularly vulnerable?

Tuesday, we finally found out: Women, beards, the Geneva Convention, and American cities.

Obviously, all the logistics, expense, and risks were worthwhile because what the former game show contestant and notorious drunk really wanted was to inform the military brass that he's just the kind of blowhard buffoon that he plays on TV. The kind who thinks torture and assassination are cool and that discipline is for wimps.

"We also don't fight with stupid rules of engagement," he said. "We untie the hands of our warfighters to intimidate, demoralize, hunt and kill the enemies of our country."

More Abu Ghraib and more My Lai, please.

However, as Reuters reports, Hegseth's primary use for this costly occasion was to inform generals and admirals with decades of experience that they were fat, lazy, and way too woke.

Addressing an auditorium full of top brass who flew in from around the world, Hegseth defended his firings of flag officers, including the top U.S. general, who is Black, and the Navy's top admiral, who is a woman. He said the officers he relieved were part of a broken culture.

"An entire generation of generals and admirals were told that they must parrot the insane fallacy that 'our diversity is our strength,'" Hegseth said.

Hegseth didn't just launch into this tirade to remind them that he, and his rum bottle, are in charge of their future. His bigger point was that the military is to be a bastion of white nationalism, misogyny, and bigotry. And anyone with any thoughts of decency should get out now.

He promised sweeping changes to how the Pentagon handles discrimination complaints and investigates accusations of wrongdoing. He said the current system has top brass walking on "egg shells."

"If the words I'm speaking today are making your hearts sink, then you should do the honorable thing and resign," Hegseth said.

That's right, boys. It's open season on gays, women, and people of color. And remember when we used to at least pretend to investigate rapes? Well, forget that.

What would you expect from the guy who just declared that slaughtering unarmed women and children deserves a Medal of Honor?

Also, forget the idea of women serving a role in the military that doesn't involve playing secretary for a man, as Hegseth made it clear he would put every possible obstacle in their way. A significant part of Hegseth's address focused on the idea that the military should reduce the number of women, maintain only the "highest male standard," and not set a lower bar for women. Which might make sense if the military had separate standards for women. Which it does not.

Then, before he left the stage, Hegseth spoke out against the biggest threat our military confronts around the globe: Facial hair.

"No more beardos," Hegseth told the audience, which sat in silence.

I bet they did. If all this sounds like makeup man Hegseth is fantasizing about a military composed of only oiled-up extras from 300 ... yeah, that's about right. This is my rifle, this is my gun, this is my manscaping tool.

Unfortunately for the assembled brass, they didn't get a chance to go outside and either shake their heads or snicker. Following Hegseth's appearance, President Bonespurs took the stage for more than an hour to talk about his love of tariffs, lecture the military he avoided on "reawakening the warrior spirit," and explain how he definitely deserves the Nobel Peace Prize. Trump then informed military leadership that the ranks were going to be based "100% on merit," which aligns perfectly with his other declaration that he was going to fire anyone "on the spot" that he didn't like.

Perhaps the best pairing of the day was Hegseth telling the leadership that:

"The era of the Department of Defense is over. ... the mission of the Pentagon is warfighting: preparing for war and preparing to win, unrelenting and uncompromising in that pursuit."

And Trump declaring that:

“I told [Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth], we should use some of these dangerous cities as training grounds for our military — National Guard, but our military, because we’re going into Chicago very soon. That’s a big city with an incompetent governor.”

Nothing says we only engage in total war like practicing on American cities. Trump also used the phrase "war from within," after naming a list of cities he wants to invade.

The tag team conference ended with a room full of stone-faced military leaders as a pair of swaggering game show hosts strutted around feeling very pleased over their verbal thuggery. As The Atlantic notes, keeping all those five-star traps shut was a real act of military discipline. Hegseth was manic, waving his arms, bellowing, and snarling about how the military was full of "loser shit." Trump was often raspy and tired, reading from his teleprompter with little more enthusiasm than he has for aketo ... accepta ... accetaminophen.

Hegseth came off as completely unhinged — even in comparison to Trump. Which is, as Hunter has noted, a very high standard of de-hingedness.

However, The Daily Beast reports that this is increasingly typical Hegseth.

While he has reportedly always been temperamental, two staffers claim the former Fox News star’s mental state has reached new, frenzied heights after the assassination of conservative activist Charlie Kirk earlier this month.

They said Hegseth is becoming increasingly “obsessed” with his own security and exhibits frantic behavior, such as fidgeting and pacing during meetings.

“There’s a manic quality about him. Or let me rephrase, an even more manic quality, which is really saying something,” an insider told the outlet.

“Dude is crawling out of his skin,” another source said.

To recap: The White House is being led by a man who is both demented and delusional. The Pentagon is being led by a twitchy paranoid who felt it was worth taking America's military offline so he could yell at them about "beardos." Both of them are determined to destroy the apolitical nature of the American military and turn it into an instrument of their personal fantasies.

I'm sure none of that will be a problem.