Don of War

On Thursday, multiple outlets reported that Donald Trump had "rebranded" the Department of Defense using a title last used in 1947 – the "Department of War." Trump made that official-ish on Friday with his eleventy millionth executive order.

"I think it's a much more appropriate name, especially in light of where the world is right now," said Trump. "We have the strongest military in the world, the greatest equipment in the world... every element of the military we make the best, by far."

This once again proves, as United States Special Envoy to the Middle East Steve Witkoff said at a cabinet meeting last week, that Trump is the "finest candidate in history" for the Nobel Peace Prize.

To be fair, this was just one of many things that happened in the last week that made it clear that the Committee should think seriously about handing Trump the peace prize … before he decides to bomb Stockholm. Or Copenhagen. Or wherever he thinks the big gold medals are stored.

As numerous pundits have rushed to point out, Trump can't officially rename the DOD, no natter how many orders he signs. The department's name was set down in the National Security Act following World War II, and Trump lacks the authority to just scribble down another name because he likes to pretend he's a tough guy.

Like that makes a difference.

1. Trump, J.D. Vance, Pistol Pete Hegseth, and every Republican official both in and out of the administration will immediately start using "War Department" in the most sneering, challenging ways they can dream up.
2. Fox News, Newsmax, and every RW outlet will not only follow suit, but challenge every person who appears on their airwaves to pledge allegiance to the Trump-given label.
3. Other outlets—especially those supposedly in the "middle" or "left-leaning"—will quickly comply. Because there has never been a moment when they worried more about accuracy than access.

For context, please see Trump's ridiculous renaming of the Gulf of Mexico. Then reference the absolutely disgusting knob-polishing provided by every media outlet that not only went along with this childish act, but failed to stand up to Trump when he ousted the Associated Press from White House press events for using an accurate, globally accepted geographic name.

They caved before. They will cave again. Two weeks from now, Kristen Welker will be interviewing a Democratic member of Congress about Hegseth's role as "War Secretary," and no one will raise an objection. (Unless it's Hakeen Jeffries, in which case he'll probably pause long enough to chide liberals who refuse to engage in compromise.)

Making the renaming seem entirely accurate, Trump bragged this week that the U.S. military bombed a small boat in international waters, killing a reported 11 people. Trump claimed that the boat was filled with "massive amounts of drugs" and that it was crewed by members of the Tren de Aragua gang — the same gang that ICE has used as the excuse behind consigning hundreds of uncharged people to lifetime servitude in countries they've never before seen.

Was the boat filled with drugs? We don't know. Was it crewed by gang members? We don't know.

We might have known the answers had the U.S. Coast Guard intersected the boat, taken the crew into custody, and provided the nation and the world with evidence. But Trump didn't bother with any of that. He went straight to the act of international murder. Because he can.

Given that Venezuela's government is held in the kind of contempt that world leaders reserve for asshole dictators who don't have nuclear weapons, it's unlikely that there's going to be a big movement at the United Nations to condemn this action. Though it's probably ugly enough to give Trump the chance to remind everyone that the U.S. is not a signatory to the Inter-American Court of Human Rights.

Take that, humans.

Then there was the other little story that leaked out on Friday. That one being The New York Times report about how Trump sent SEAL Team 6 into North Korea in 2019 to plant surveillance devices. Specifically, they wanted to monitor conversations held by Trump's good buddy Kim Jong Un during nuclear talks with the U.S.

But when they reached what they thought was a deserted shore that night, wearing black wet suits and night-vision goggles, the mission swiftly unraveled.

A North Korean boat appeared out of the dark. Flashlights from the bow swept over the water. Fearing that they had been spotted, the SEALs opened fire. Within seconds, everyone on the North Korean boat was dead.

The SEALs retreated into the sea without planting the listening device.

After everyone had been successfully un-lifed, SEALs went aboard the boat and found neither weapons nor uniforms. Instead, they determined the crew members they had just slaughtered were North Korean civilians who were probably diving for shellfish.

So they did the right thing. Meaning they dragged the bodies into the water and left.

Then Trump did the right thing. Meaning he never told a soul in Congress about the plan or the outcome.

And finally, a classified military review did the right thing. They determined that slaughtering civilians who were hoping to find some crabs along the beach near their homes was within the "rules of engagement." So everything was fine. Just fine.

As of Friday afternoon, the White House and Pentagon have refused to comment on this mission, which involved invading a sovereign country and killing a few people who pointed a flashlight in the wrong direction.

Trump claimed to know nothing about the mission he reportedly signed off on personally, saying that he was "hearing it now for the first time.” Which you know isn't true. Because Trump getting to order around the same SEAL team that took out Osama bin Laden is absolutely a top ten wet dream for him, and the fact that the mission ended with dead people means someone had to change the sheets in the Lincoln bedroom at least twice that evening.

But what may be the most astounding thing about this absolutely bonkers story is just how little attention it's getting. Currently, nothing about this story appears on the front page of CNN, NBC News, or the Associated Press. (Don't even bother to ask about Fox or Fox-wannabe CBS).

So go back to carving that medal, prize committee. After all, Trump only sent military forces into a country that does have nuclear weapons where they killed civilians and shot up a fishing boat.

I'm sure this will bring only peace.